last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
