i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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