in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
