dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
