Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
