How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just forgot I was standing up.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
