just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
