he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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