i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
