pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
