I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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