what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
