Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is the high leading the old right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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