please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
