He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
