He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
