I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
