Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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