I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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