my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
