Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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