Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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