I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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