yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
