i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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