looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
