dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
