hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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