The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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