Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
