I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
