I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
