I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I die, sorry about rent.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
