I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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