Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
being pregnant is like rehab
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
