I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
