Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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