yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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