If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize