What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
pray to the hookup gods
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
