her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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