I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize