I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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