Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
