My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
