I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
