checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
