I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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