Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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