Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
