is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
