2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
