shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
