you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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