im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
