I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm both gender and math confused
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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