My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
