You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
