last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
