i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
