Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
