on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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