Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
