Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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