I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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