When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
