its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
