2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
