yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
