What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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