hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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