is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
