Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
