I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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