Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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