I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize