Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
