I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
