The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
