my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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