Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
