dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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