it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
