Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
