Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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