I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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